Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
