Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need to stop coming to work sober
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
