Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
