once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize