its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
