My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
