Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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