I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
