i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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