Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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