So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
