grandma shit on top of the toilet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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