My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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