And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
