you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
