So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
