I got chris browned last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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