So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Mom said you looked used
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
