He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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