You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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