just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
