McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
