oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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