I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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