i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
