remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
