the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
