Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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