I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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