please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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