i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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