remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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