evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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