I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
