I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My feet surprised me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
