You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
