I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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