How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
