Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
