Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
