First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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