In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
