when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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