Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
