Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
