why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
