she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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