So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
