One girl and one boy is just not enough.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
