I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
