I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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