We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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