I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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