and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
