guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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