life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize