I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
