I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
