and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
