A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
