Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
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did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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