I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
