I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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