Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
