I'm gonna have a badass scar
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
