My liver just broke up with me...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
