i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
