We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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