You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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