didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
