Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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