I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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