are you so shy because you have an std?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
