Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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