separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
