trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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