It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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