I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
