Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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