His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
