I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
