listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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