Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
