Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
